Misquotes

Many years ago, Omni Magazine ran a reader contest for best (i.e. funniest) misquote. I split my sides reading the resulting entries, but lost my copy of that issue, and have not been able to find it online anywhere. Today in honor of that long-lost genius, I started posting some of them on Twitter then just kept going. For archival purposes, here is the list thus far. Items I know I first saw in Omni are marked (O), and some have been around for years. Most were freshly half-baked this afternoon.

• Asking Peter to pay Paul 
• A waist is a terrible thing to mind. 
• Every cloud has a soggy liner. 
• Don't look a gift horse in the ear. 
• 87 years ago, our four fathers bought a fourth country... 
• When in the curse of human events... 
• Beggars can't be boozers 
• Smart as a peacock (O)
• Angry as a hatter (O?)
• A man who lives in a glass house should not throw orgies. 
• An apple a day will get you kicked out of Eden right quick. 
• A penny saved is still just a penny.
• One if by lan, two if by C 
• She's the cantaloupe of my eye 
• Romeo! Romeo! Why fartest thou, Romeo?
• A bird in the pan is worth two in the fridge 
• Time and tide will turn eventually 
• An object in motion will remain in motion in an equal and opposite direction. 
• Wife-eye hot zone
• 'Scuse me while I kiss this guy 
• The road to hell was paved with the best inventions 
• RT @eruptionsblog @lockwooddewitt Man, you really need to get all your horses in a row. 
• Eyeplastics (O)
• Toothglue (O)
• A rolling stone gathers no wool.
• Half of one, six dozen of the other.  (O)
• To be or not to be, those are the parameters. (O, grand prize winner)

Language is so much fun!