Finally

I had heard that David Rheinhard was retiring from The Oregonian, and was not too displeased. I try to keep informed of conservative perspectives and thinking, but have no interest in shrill conservative soundbites. Rheinhard had polished to perfection the right-wing pundits' skills at the latter and demonstrated exactly zero of the former. I'm willing to listen to and consider different perspectives and thought. I have no time for nor interest in regurgitations of Rush Limbaugh's scripts.

So today I was pleased to read, finally, a column of Rheinhard's that I actually enjoyed. His last. Following are a couple of fun excerpts.

I wanted to be a newspaper columnist in the worst way, and no doubt many readers would say I achieved just that goal early in my career here.

I'm sure this is intentionally ironic, but yes, he was a columnist. In the worst possible way.

One story: Some months after I arrived here I was at my desk one morning that
my column ran. The phone rang. I braced myself, but the man on the other end of
the line could not have been more complimentary about my offering that day. I was
new to the trade, insecure as an opinion columnist can be, and ready to listen
to this wise reader.
"You really should be syndicated ..." he said.
Isn't that what every young columnist wants to hear?
"Your writing reminds me of George Will's ..." Oh, merciful heavens, George Will is one of my idols.
"... except that your writing is easier to understand ..." Yes, yes, yes. Exactly. My one criticism of Will's work was his baroque, mannered prose. My head was spinning. A feeling of well-being washed over me. Was this a great gig or what?
"Do you mind if I make one suggestion?" No, no, my good man, suggest away. I've got all day for readers like you. Go right ahead.
"Do you think The Oregonian could devote more space to UFO sightings?"

Sadly, many of Rheinhard's positions were more looney than the recent headlines, Aliens Suspected of Stealing Mt. Hood. UFO sightings were clearly too mundane for him. Goodnight, David.